Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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