He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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