you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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