i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
