hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
