she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
