Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
