Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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