the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
