i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He has the fingertips of a God
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