first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
