I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
