I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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