I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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