I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
