it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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