Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the day after is always just damage control
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize