and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
