so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
