I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
