I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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