it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
