a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its not stalking. its research.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
