hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
