I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
