She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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