I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
