Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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