I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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