I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize