I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
