??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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