why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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