Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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