It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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