for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
