I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
