and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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