On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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