There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
