Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
