I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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