The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize