Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize