since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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