...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
