i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its not stalking. its research.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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