I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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