Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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