Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
