Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
