it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
