I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
