i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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