It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
