I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
