I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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