he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
