I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize