I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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