dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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