Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
