What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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