Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
