Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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