We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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