Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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