Can i not drive my cunt home
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
