and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
