Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it because I queefed?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
