My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
