I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
