omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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