We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
