So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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