NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
