good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
love makes seman taste better
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
