also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
