i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
