she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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