Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
