dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
