great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize