my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
