I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
