Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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