I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
