i would punch a child for taco bell
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
