I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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