Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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