i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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