I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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