So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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