Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
