So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh god it's open bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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