dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
