Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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