I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize