Sponge bath it is.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
