Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
