do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
