Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
